So that was me, a sucker born on March 28, 1959 at 11:36 am. Nathan ended up being born on April 21, 2001 at like 12:44 pm. Amber only had to give it four pushes and out comes kid number seven. Otis got to cut the cord. He called me about two hours later, and I realize that it wasn't so much that he cared enough to tell me but that he was hungry and wanted some Chick-a-Loes, and a way to get home, and maybe some fucking money to get the bus pass back to AMC for the evening festivities with the family and the queen of baby production. And me, always the fucking love sick fool. I mean, like, he calls me and says, where are you? Hey fucker, where do you think I am? I'm at home. But he just expected me to drop everything to come, because guess what, that's exactly what I did, and would do. And me, always, always trying to buy his love. Everywhere we go he knows half of south Atlanta, so we went to Chick-a-Loes, where they do have the most awesome chicken sandwiches I have ever tasted. But two young boys went by and he was afraid they might know Jordyn, so he said go back to the car and wait, so I did. I told him flowers would be nice for Amber and so he said okay, So I went into Kroger on Old National Hwy, and he said, yeah I would love some Blue Moon, and yeah, get a pack of Newports. So I went in and picked out some pretty pink and white roses for $25 dollars, the beer and cigarettes. He asked me how much the flowers were and I told him. He said $25! Amber is gonna kill me if she thinks I spent that much on flowers. So he called his dad and said, the flowers are from you, okay,? 10-4? He turned to me, ---see this is what i hate---this lying. I felt like saying, this whole fucking relationship is a lie and you're worried about the flowers? Why can't you just lie and tell her you saved a little money to buy these flowers ---it kind of blows the whole point of the flowers if they come from your dad. What would he want to give her flowers for. But there you have it. So I dropped him off near his house and he was talking on the phone and hell, I didn't know we were right there by Farris Ave. and he said, whoa, what are you doing, trying to get me killed. I swear you're trying to get me killed. He wasn't mad but hey, get off the phone and tell me where I should drop you.
Dear God. So oh yeah, he was talking about maybe Tim would give him a couple bucks to catch the bus back to the hospital and I realized by now that that was just a hint that he would like for me to give him some money to take the bus back. I opened my ash tray where I keep some money and I said, here, take this, these are the last dollars that I have to my name. He said, no, no, don't give me all that, and I said, they're just singles anyway (and one five dollar bill). So that was all the spare cash and inside of four days I pretty much spent all my fifty bucks on him. And so now it's Friday night and I was just burning to see him, even tho I saw him yesterday, but he must have called out, or maybe they gave him time off for the baby, or he had already planned to take it off, but do you think he could have toldme about that. No. I come in here looking for him and I feel so immediately lonesome for himand missing him so bad, and so fucking angry, with him ,and myself. I know he is home with Amber and helping with the baby and everything---and I can just picture it all. But he could have at least told me he wasn't going to be here. And so tonight we probably won't do shit, and tomorrow, when he does come, I'll probably fucking work allnight long That's just par for this course. And Dear Lord, dear Lord, how is it that I could allow myself to be used. I'm so sad about that lord.
Just talked to Boone and she told me she thought he was on leave, but he did not bother to tell me that, so I guess I will not bother to tell him when I am going to be out, and that I will be in Savannah, and I hope he finds some other sucka to support his habits, she will probably have to be w hite, because only white women are that stupid. Maybe another fat black woman like Tammy cook. But a beautiful hippy black woman ain't gonna be buying no shit for this man, and I feel like I'll be damned if I buy him one more fucking thing in this life time. Though I know that I will.
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