If Otis has asked me or promised me something, a hundred times he wasn't able to keep his word on that promise. One hundred percent of the time he has let me down, One time he told me he would call me back and I said "When"? and he said thirty minutes. And it turned into never. He never did call me back. Why tell me specifically thirty minutes and not do it. It shows me that I am so not worth it to him. So unworthy that he doesn't need to keep his word to me,. I am so far down on the worthy scale I have no hold on him, nothing, Denise says, Of course he isn't going to let you go that easy---with you he has a lot to lose, look at all the stuff he gets out of you.
One reason why I love the guy though, is because he stays dedicated to all those kids, Any man can make a kid, but not any man can make a father.---be a father. He is as good a dad as he can be. And it's true what
Troy says----he loves those kids because he loves her. and I love those kids because I love him.
I beg God now to take away the pain---take away the obsession. Loving him brought be back to life, And I want him, God help me I want him so bad. I want him to want me, Love me like he loves Amber. Be a man for me and take me to buy me an outfit, pedicures. Take care of me; I want someone to fucking take care of me. I've been taking care of my own shit forever. Joe never had to buy any thing for me,. Yeah he worked for ten years when I didn't. B ut I was working at home, and raising the kids, No pay for that But I was a better mother than this Amber. Hate that Goddam lazy bitch. bitch has someone, a handsome someone, to do her bidding, buy her shit Mother fuckerrrrrrrrr. I know that kid is either born or being born right now, If that kid comes tomorrow night while we're at work and I see him leave all in an excited tizzy I think I might throw up. I'll puke on myself. Otis you son of a bitch, you should have left me alone, Leave fat, needy, dying old women alone, you bastard, I hate you. I love you and I hate you. Why, oh why did I have to meet you> You're everything I'm not. Young, Black. Come on man, What were you thinking? What was I thinking.? God, I know you don't cause anyone temptation, but Lord, meeting him was no accident, We were meant to meet---but why, Lord, He has changed my life, once again, altered the landscape of my existence, This has been a hard one Lord. Why?
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