So tonight is the night. Tonight is the night Otis gets to watch his Amber bring forth the fruit of their passion for each other into this world. One steaming night in July, he said. Otis will watch his beloved writhe in pain and watch the contractions on the monitor and he will worry about Amber and be so sad that she is in such pain----a pain she has been through six times before. He will watch her push that baby out into this world and marvel at this miracle and the miracle his woman has produced---his son, with her. His and her son. hE will worry about her blood pressure which is sky high, he will fret and worry and be so sad----and it all just fucking eats me up. He called me at about six pm and told me where he was and that was so kind of him and I really think he genuinely cares for me, knows how much this bothers me, for I have told him how jealous I am of /amber, how much I would like to have his baby, how hard it is for me cuz I can't have kids anymore----or maybe he called me because he was more worried about her and needed reassuring. He did tell me he was hungry and he wanted a Wendy's and I guess the twenty I handed him this morning to get a Marta pass with, (so far I've given him money three times for a Marta pass and three times he hasn't gotten a Marta pass. On Saturday he had to go buy a screw driver a special one, so that his dad could get to the engine on his van. Yesterday he bought himself some kind of sandwich and I would't doubt if he bought Amber one but I don't know----he said, I got it for myself! And today, I guess it's going for a Wendy's, maby some for him and maybe for Jordyn, who is with him, i know, cuz she put it on facebook.
And me, in pain again because the whole situation is just totally ridiculous===there is no where to go with it, if only because of our difference in ages. God, so stupid! Welcome to the world, baby Nate. It is a fucked up world---I'm so sorry for it.
No comments:
Post a Comment