Well, not much new on this relationship front. had a hellishly bad weekend a few weeks ago. Amber posted on her wallthat she and Nate had a terrific meal at Two Thumbs Up==a restaurant that i had heard about and wanted to try myself. She had a steak cooked to perfection,and he had the biggest pancakes she had ever seen, according to her post. Well, just the thought of the two of them sitting across from each other. and see, I know how he looks cuz I have sat across from him many times now at IHOP---just tothink of them, him laughing sweetly at something she said, looking sheepish,diving into his food with such pleasure, being with his BOO, her getting to see that fine man across from her, and being able to claim him as hers,well it was all too much for me. And then, to think, to think, that he bought that forher, while it is I who is continuously forking over the cash, or the creditcard, me, gettting nothing, just giving.
I almostwent nuts with jealousy and grief. Rhonda and i texted til my phone battery was practially dead. i was determined to dumphis ass that Friday night, but then, there he was,.. smiling at me ---really, he never has a clue what i am thinking. I eventually did tell him what was botheringme, asked him who paid, He said it was her, from the money Cara gave them for the down payment on the Expedition. He told me they weren't very good anyway, and somehow, that made me feel better, because he loves those blueberry pancakes at IHOP. But still, just the image of them eating together, and then, walking home because they had no car=-==Amber let the Uplander get repoed again. I don't raelly understand the whole situation, but Cara lent Amber two grand to put down on an expedition, and I don't understand why they just didn't get the Uplander out of repo, but somehow their dealer/lender ripped them off bad=-=Nate told me they still owed ten grand on that car and he'd already paid like eight grand, so apparently, they were just going to start anew on an "Expedition, and he was going to pay the car note by himself, and not give her the money anymore.
I decided it wasn't any of my business===none of it is my business, how they handle their affairs. I don't understand why they just did't get the Uplander===someone is probably gonna screw them on that Expedition too.
He and I continue===even after he said we needed to re-evaluate the relationship, we continue, in some ways the same. Insome ways different. There are only so many times that I can be hurt and suffer before my feelings change, and they are changing. For instance, I don't think of him so much anymore===not constantly, not night and day, not the first thing in the am or the last thing at night (well sometimes, the last thing at night). so the obsession is gone. And I really do feel somewhere in side me, also know the truth, that he continues with me in order to use me, to get me to give him money....and he never has to outright ask. He just preys on my kindness. This past weekend was Jasmine's sixteenth birthday===she wanted AirMax. He said he saved a hundred out for that, buthe kept going on and on about that, ===and finally I said, would you like me to help buy those shoes for her. I did after all buy Blesshawn hisbike. I may as well get Jasmine's gift as well. He said, would you? All I have is a hundred to last for thenext two weeks. But of course, he had enough money to buy Extenze for his penis size and pleasure pills (from the gas station!) AND I had to ask what for,? who for? why did he feel he needed penis extender pills. You know what, they did something to him because his dick kept going up and down all by itself on sumday. But here is the kicker, and where things have changed. He doesn't seem to want to go with me anymore anywhere. He just wants me to give him the momey. I so desperately wanted to go out with him Saturday,just to be seen with him, to be with him in his company, but we had two hours to ki8ll before Foot Locker opened and I genuinely think he is trying to avoid pissing Amber off or giving her any suspicions as to his whereabouts-=-=it has been getting too routine lately for him to come home two or three hours late on a Satuday or a Sunday. But anyway, he said he was too tired Saturday to go with me, and to kill two hours berore Foot locker, so I said, just go home. Get some sleep. He said he would call me after he slept, and i was figuring ten o'clock or something, so I went home and laid down, but couldn't do much beyond ten am myself. I knew knew knew he woulodn't callme anyway, yet I contin ued to hope that he wo uld call so that we could go out and buy the shoes together, ===but he didn't call. i took my weary self to Kohls, then to Publoix and got Tom two subs, and then i went home and walked, because I had no where to divert my restless energy, my longing. Then I tried to lay downand sleep at abaout three, but sleepwouldn't come, and I knew I would be so exhausted that night at work.
It turns out that he didn't even lay down to sleep until noon, I guess he made everyone breakfast, ==and he slept til nine pm.
So that night, at work, I just laid downin the break room at nine pm, and sure enough, at about eleven, I hear a tapping on the break room door. I tried to tell him I was tired and I was gonna sleep, and he said, oh, okay, I'll just go on and do my work, but he just cou ldn't stand it, and he hauledme out of there in about twenty minutes. So I spent the whole night with him, following him around, sitting at the front desk, watching him sleep, posting cases===and I never got anymore sleep myself. Hesaid, well, we'll just go on and get the shoes tomorrow morning (m,eaning Sunday{ and I said, I can't, you know i'm going to Macon in the morning to help my daughter move. Well he was in a quandary then===but once again, I don't know how much I'mbeing manipulated or if I am being manipulated, or ifhe is just an innocent, dumb man who didn't plan right. Because he never went out shoe shoppign on Saturday like I thought. So then he ws upset, how was he going to get Jasmine her shoes, she should have them on her birthday etc. etc. SO i caved and told him I would go through publix, get her some cupcakse, because shelikes cupcakes ,and we got her three helium balloons, and I went thrugh and debitedtwice and gave him a hundred dollars, and I told him he better get her some shoes, and not spend that money, and he swore he would. And so Idropped him off, after stopppppping at Krystal for breakfast, and BP for cigarettes, all my idea. And then I dropped him off twoblocks before his house, and he was happily carriying the balloons anda the cupcakes, and my moneyy, and he never looked back. And so I fear that the relationship has truly changed from us doing anything, or rather, nothing at all together, to me just handing over money to him, and watching him go. That's how it's going down=-==is how it's looking to me. And I'mchanging, my feelings are changing. You can't use Lori wiegele forever/// sooner or later,this dumb old fool willcatch on .
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