Joe and I have been literally been sitting here in this family room all day, since about ten am. We probably have spoken five minutes worth of conversation with each other. When we drove home from West Palm Beach on Friday, we maybe had ten minutes worth of conversation. What does this mean? That we are so comfortable with each other that we don't really need to talk? That we just don't have much to say to each other after 30 years? Sometimes I fear it's because I am a very poor conversationalist---I do, but I don't think so. Jordan and I talked almost the whole time when I was in the car with her, and last night at work, I carried on a four hour conversation with a girl I barely know. I am atually very good at prompting people to talk, and very good at give and take in a conversation, not dominating it too much, except with my sisters maybe----I think they think I am a butt-er in-er , but they are the only two people besides Rhonda who really listen to me, and let me talk. I fear that we just don't have much to say to each other, Joe and I. We just don't. We just watched a movie, Life as we know it, with Katherine Heigl, ===it got bad reviews, but I thought it was sweet, myself . But there was one scene, where Heigl is fighting with JOsh Duhamel, god he is so fine, ==and Heigl's doctor boyfriend said, If my wife and I had fought like that, we would still be married. And to me, that is the truth----it shows you still care enough to fight, to figure it out, to communicate. And friday night, I was sitting st the front desk, and Otis was clear downthe hall way, talking on the phone with Amber. Only he was talking so loud, I could hear him from the front desk. <Like his daddy, his voice gets higher when he gets frustrated. Well, I sidled down the hallway, and I was listening. He was passionately yelling into the phone,m sometimes taking it away from his face, gesturing wildly in frustration. He said, that is not my gotdam fault I lost my job at St. Joes. That was your fault . And .....what ever happened to for richer for poorer, for better for worse, till death DO YOU PART? this man wants to stay married to this woman. He loves her for some goddam reason that I don't gget, but that bitch knows how to play him like a fiddle. She's been threatening divorce and hitting him up for alimony AND child support. Well he hung up with her and we were discussing it, andf all of a sudden he was afraid he hadn't disconnected his cell phone and he was freakng worried she heard us. He dialed her back, but apparently she hadn't heard anything, he must have disconnected. It bothers me so much to know and to realize that he cares so much =-==that he tells me, fuck her, I'm fixing to move on for REAL, and yet, he is instantly worried about beingn caughtk, found out, busted, and losing HER. ANd I keep thinking, what the fuck? What the fuck I am doing here.? This still is the rare black man who just cares passionately about his woman and he wants to stay married to her And it pisses me off that he keeps coming back to me to use me for all the little shit he needs at Walmart. It hurts me. It hurts me bad.
No comments:
Post a Comment