All I have to do to remind myself of my situation is to remember when Otis looked at my face when we met there in the ER. Yeah.....it's all good, he said. And with that I think my face must have looked like the sky right before a tornado hits---boiling with impending fury and rage ----I don't want to hurt you .....he said, as if he cared -----oh you son of a bitch. the worst thing you could EVER say to me---first of all, PLEASE! The way he used me, as his "bailer-outer", and called me up at work and said "she CUT me!" and how he was going to leave her ass====and all of the stuff that he just helped himself to when we would go shopping. Oh spare me ===spare me from feeling sorry for me---dont EVER feel sorry for me. DOn't worry about hurting me man----i can take care of my own fucking self. worry about your fucking fat bitch wife===worry about your bad twins, worry about your baby, worry about yourself, but don't worry about hurting me sonofabitch. Its tooooo fucking late for that asshole!
And I get so jealous thinking about him and her. Making love to her. I bet after their big blow out they made some mad good love ----i know they did. I just know they did. I hate that they have kids together, that they are tied together like that. I get so jealous thinking about him walking down to the corner and picking up Jaythanand the twins from school. Seeing his happy face and his shaved head and his big, manly self. and ?Amber getting to love ont hat, and that black skin for her onl,y I want to fucking kill that goddam fucking bitch. I hate her . I can never go back to the days where I take him for groceries---because I know she will be eating that food---I would resent every penny I spent if I knew that she enjoyed any of it, in any way----I just can't do it anymore. Amber can take of her kids, andher man. I can't do it anymore
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